So you want to try snorkelling? Good for you! Snorkelling is one of the fastest-growing extreme sports in the world, and is definitely the cheapest and most inferior way to view the world beneath the waves! Read on for everything you need to know ...
How old is snorkelling?
Snorkelling has been around since the 14th Century, when highly-trained Ninjas would use hollow reeds to move underwater without being seen. Prior to this, pearl divers had been snorkelling without masks, or a snorkel.
Isn't snorkelling just "a poor man's scuba diving"?
Yes, this is a very apt way to describe the sport of snorkelling. However, if I had thousands of dollars to dump into scuba diving, I wouldn't be writing a Snorkelling blog.
What type of snorkel is the best?
Basically, a snorkel is a snorkel. The retail people will tell you that the SnorkelMate 4000 with teflon coating, automatic dump valve and electro-carbon splash guard will let you have more fun. But you can have just as much fun with a $9 Big W snorkel.
If you're going to dump $200 on a snorkel with all the bells and whistles, you may as well go the whole hog and learn scuba diving. A snorkel is a plastic tube that you breathe through. End of story.
A purge valve or purge snorkel will have a one-way valve at the bottom. This helps channel away the water when you surface, and exhale sharply. Almost all snorkels should have this feature.
A semi-dry or splash guard snorkel will have some type of guard over the top opening. This is to help stop waves and splashes entering the pipe. This is nice, but certainly not necessary (I don't use this kind of snorkel myself).
A dry snorkel will have some type of "float valve" at the top, which closes when the top of the snorkel sinks below the water level. The idea is that the snorkel won't fill with water, so you don't have to blow to clear it when surfacing. What a load of crap. What next, GPS tracking on your snorkel? Underwater MP3 player built-in? There is simply no need for this type of valve. It just adds weight and drag to your snorkel. Only an absolute sissy would buy this kind of snorkel.
What type of mask is the best?
With masks, you really get what you pay for. If you're going to spend $15 for a "Fun Snorkel Diving Mask!" from China, expect to get salt water in your eyes.
Now, you don't need to go for anything too fancy, but at least budget $40 for a good-quality mask with tempered glass and silicon skirting. You don't need a purge valve, tinted glass, magnifying glass, or any other crap. You don't need heads-up display, windscreen wipes, or anti-fog air jets.
Do I need flippers?
Flippers add significantly to the cost of snorkelling, and since you're reading this Blog, I can assume you're a cheap-ass like myself.
You certainly don't need flippers to snorkel, and in fact I usually don't use mine. But they are great to have as an option when you want to swim further out, or just explore more thoroughly without using too much energy. They also allow you to stay underwater for longer, as you can blast along the sea-bed like a demented stingray, without using any energy. Swimming breaststroke underwater will use your arm muscles, and force you up for air much sooner.
If you are going to use flippers, remember -- lift your feet way up high when walking into the water. Yes, you look like a bit of a knob, but it stops the blades bending backwards and tripping you. When the water is around your shins, you need to turn around and walk backwards. Now you will look even stupider. When the water is around your knees, you can turn and launch yourself forwards into the water like an overweight turtle. Now you're snorkelling!
How do I care for my equipment?
This is easy. Rinse as soon as possible after swimming, with fresh water (that means water that isn't from the ocean). Always dry in the shade, not direct sunlight. Try to avoid putting sun-cream on your face, where you mask will sit -- it can warp the skirting.
My mask is fogging up.
Before you enter the water, spit in it. You don't need to clear your throat of last night's meal; just a bit of saliva is fine. Wipe it around the glass. Then quickly dunk it under the water. This should stop most fogging. There is no scientific explanation for why this works. It just does.
Can't I use "anti-fog spray", available from my local dive/adventure shop?
Sure, but as I just told you -- spit works fine. So save that $10, send it to me instead, and do like the rest of us do -- spit.
You yuppie.
What other equipment do I need?
Basically nothing. I invested in this watch because it has a tide graph, titanium (rust-proof) not stainless steel, and it's orange like the stuff American Coast Guard "Rescue Swimmers" wear ("The Guardian" on IMDb).
Unfortunately, I have since learned that the tide graph won't work for Perth (diurnal tides). Stainless steel takes a long time to rust -- titanium is completely unnecessary.
But it's still orange. So it's paid for itself, as far as I'm concerned. However, it does seem to scare the fish a little ...
What training do I need?
To snorkel safely for the first time, you will need to be able to swim. Although this sounds like common sense, many needless deaths occur every year by non-swimmers trying to snorkel.
Also, it is helpful to have some understanding of breathing.
What is "spearfishing"?
I would like to be serious for a moment. Spearfishing is the barbaric practice of using a spear-gun to shoot innocent fish, and kill or maim them. It made sense back in the 1920's when we didn't have boats or fishing nets. But in this day and age, it is needlessly cruel, and should be banned. There are perfectly humane ways to catch fish for food, such as a fishing line with a razor-sharp hook, or a drift-net which suffocates the fish over several hours.
Spearfishing takes the beautiful, peaceful pass-time of snorkelling -- and turns it into a blood-sport. This is the same as somebody learning ballet, and then attaching knives and throwing stars to their limbs, and using the dance to slaughter the audience. It just doesn't make sense!
If you see somebody spearfishing, remember -- do not approach them. There is a high probability that they are a Bogan, and may turn violent against you. Just return to your peaceful snorkelling, and console yourself that some day, they will spear a Blowfish, and will probably get swarmed and killed.
Where can I snorkel?
If you live near the ocean, then snorkel there. Bog Snorkeling is not quite as much fun.
Of course, you don't need to be in the Bahamas or Great Barrier Reef. You can snorkel almost anywhere. Please remember, if you are snorkelling in a harbour, there may be boats nearby! Snorkellers are often not seen by boat drivers, and may be run over. Especially if the boat is filled with drunk Bogans returning from a piss-up at Rotto.
Snorkelling in a pool is generally boring, especially if you're the only one in it.
Sharks. Do I need to worry?
All jokes aside, I am quite passionate about sharks. One day I will learn Scuba Diving, and I'll dive with some sharks.
They are misrepresented by the media. I won't bang on about it (I'll save it for a future blog entry), but let me make one point clear -- you are much more likely to be horribly killed in a car accident, driving to the beach, than even seeing a shark. And if you do see it, chances are it'll swim away from you.
If you're interested, check out Save Our Sharks and also SharkWater.com. Sharkwater is a superb film/documentary and I recommend you check it our at your local DVD rental shop.
OK, I'm snorkelling -- what should I look out for?
The natural instinct of most people born after 1980 will be to thrash quickly through the water, viewing as much of the reef as possible. When you do happen to spot a fish, you will try to reach down and grab it.
This is because of our society, with it's TV-on-demand, fast cars and express drive-through coffee franchises (Muzz Buzz was MY idea. I'll never forgive myself for not acting on it.)
The "correct" way to snorkel is to relax, move slowly, and let the underwater world sooth your brain. Float idly while the fish forage and fight beneath you. Feel the connection to the ocean -- remember, the ancestors of man-kind climbed out of the ocean just a few million years ago. You belong here!
A peaceful 30 minutes with your face in the water can relieve all the stress of the day, and put you in a calm and contemplative frame of mind. The heavy traffic on the way home will instantly destroy this, but it's nice while it lasts.
Study the fish, watch the way they behave, maybe duck-dive down to the bottom and swim behind them. Although this seems playful and enjoyable to us, I'm sure from the fishes point of view, you are some terrifying beast from another world chasing them while they scream in terror to their fish friends -- "Geika! Geika!" (for more info, watch the first 30 seconds of this YouTube clip ).
I keep bumping into other snorkellers! How can I avoid this?
You can't. Even when you specifically look out for others, you often won't see them approaching. Just give a "sorry wave", and keep going. If the person you bumped into is very attractive and wearing a bikini, you may prefer to stop, remove your mask, and engage in some snorkel-related conversation*.
Argh! Swimmers are pounding through the water and scaring away the fish!
This is common and unavoidable. The only thing you can do is pull off your mask, and scream loudly "SHARK! SHARK!" while waving your arms. This should clear the water for the next 30 minutes or so, allowing you to snorkel in peace.
If you have any further questions, please leave them in the Comments section below. I will try to answer quickly and honestly. Thanks for reading, and I hope this guide helped you! Or at least inspired you to try snorkeling.
Keep your mask clear and your shorts wet!
-Gray
*Snorkel-related conversation = try to get her phone number
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