These lights were originally used (and are still used this way, in some parts of the world) to increase your car's visibility when parked in a poorly-lit and/or narrow road. In fact, at one time they were run off a seperate electrical system so that you could leave them on for hours, but still start your car again.
I just deleted a long post about this because I can sum it up in one sentence -- parking lights are for parking, not for driving in rain/sleet/low-light, so if your pre-Neanderthal, single-celled brain can possibly compute that, please turn that switch an extra half-inch and use your headlights from now on. Thankyou.
-Gray
Sunday, July 31, 2011
[Bike] Car -vs- Bike ... FIGHT!
Since there is extreme gusts of wind, and possible storms this morning, I'm stuck in the house. So I thought I'd do a little comparison on the two types of vehicles.
Convenience
Well I have to give this to the car. I can literally jump in the car wearing my slippers, and scoot around to the Hungry Jacks drive through. Riding the bike involves at least 5 minutes of getting gear on, while the engine warms up.
And oh yes, the weather thing. You can ride in high winds and lashing rain, but it's about as pleasant as riding a push-bike into a river.
Car 1, Bike 0
Time Saving
You just can't beat a bike for urban commuting. Between the faster acceleration, and filtering to the front at lights, you can save plenty of time. Brilliant.
After riding a bike for a couple of weeks straight, jumping back in a car feels incredibly restrictive. Kind of like attending a party at the Playboy Mansion, wearing tight jeans.
Car 1, Bike 1
Parking
What a no-brainer. Many places have M/C bays which almost always have space. If not, jump up on the curb or just slide in behind a row of cars, as shown by this technical diagram:
Almost certainly illegal, and you may get a parking ticket. Meh.
Car 1, Bike 2
Acceleration
Even a 250 will out-accelerate most cars. Not performance cars like V8 Commodores or WRX's. But the thing to remember here is that, to accelerate your Commodore 0-100 in 8.5 seconds, you pretty much have to floor it and redline every gear in your pathetic automatic gearbox. You look like you're trying hard.
The bike wants to be revved, the engine is designed to be high-revving. So it doesn't look strange when the rider goes for it.
And if you're talking about a proper, big bike, forget it. 0-100 in 3ish seconds, 160kph in first gear ... You're not going to match that in too many cars.
Car 1, Bike 3
Comfort
Duh.
And before anybody says anything about a Goldwing, well STFU. If you're going to buy a $25,000 bike with heated everything, MP3 stereo, integrated GPS/traffic/weather, tire pressure monitoring, ABS, and even a freaking AIRBAG ... Just buy a car already. You're practically there.
Car 2, Bike 3
Safety
Again, pretty damn obvious. 38 times more likely to be killed while riding a motorcycle vs. driving a car, I think.
The car gets the +1 point here, but the bike should really. Getting on your bike outside the pub, is the modern equivalent of the Clint Eastwood-type jumping on his horse outside the saloon. The chicks are loving it. Popping a wheelie -- the same as rearing the horse back and galloping away. The difference here is, bikes don't drop shit all along the road.
Car 3, Bike 3
Cool Factor
A car is a car is a car. If you're getting out of a fully-sick dropped V8 Commodore with 20" chrome rims, you just look like a try-hard 18 year old. If you're getting out of a race-tuned Skyline with the paint stripped back to the primer and a blow-off valve that could wake the dead, you just look like a try-hard 22 year old. If you're getting out of a Lamborghini Murcielago which does 0-100 in 3.4 seconds and cost more than a house, you just look like a rich wanker with too much spare money.
But, if you're getting off a CBR1000, you're automatically awesome. Even non-bike people love a proper bike like this. I know because 4 months ago I had absolutely no interest in bikes, yet still found my mate's CBR to be as attractive as a hot girl in a short skirt. Yes, it's fair to say I wanted to mount it. The bike and the girl.
Car 3, Bike 4
Cost
You can buy a new top-of-the-range bike for like $22,000. That same money will only get you a so-so new car. The bike needs more maintenance but you can do a lot yourself (I can't, obviously).
And petrol ... Oh sweet petrol. 3 to 4 litres per 100km. Probably because we're not dragging around 4 empty seats and a 60 litre boot.
Sleek. Efficient. And very, very cheap. Bikes are just like me.
Car 3, Bike 5
So there you have it. Leave a comment if you like. But it's hard to argue with the scientific facts that I've presented here.
There are times I would prefer to own a car, but they're pretty rare. Doing the grocery shopping comes to mind ...
-Gray
Convenience
Well I have to give this to the car. I can literally jump in the car wearing my slippers, and scoot around to the Hungry Jacks drive through. Riding the bike involves at least 5 minutes of getting gear on, while the engine warms up.
And oh yes, the weather thing. You can ride in high winds and lashing rain, but it's about as pleasant as riding a push-bike into a river.
Car 1, Bike 0
Time Saving
You just can't beat a bike for urban commuting. Between the faster acceleration, and filtering to the front at lights, you can save plenty of time. Brilliant.
After riding a bike for a couple of weeks straight, jumping back in a car feels incredibly restrictive. Kind of like attending a party at the Playboy Mansion, wearing tight jeans.
Car 1, Bike 1
Parking
What a no-brainer. Many places have M/C bays which almost always have space. If not, jump up on the curb or just slide in behind a row of cars, as shown by this technical diagram:
 |
| How to park a motorcycle in Subiaco. |
Car 1, Bike 2
Acceleration
Even a 250 will out-accelerate most cars. Not performance cars like V8 Commodores or WRX's. But the thing to remember here is that, to accelerate your Commodore 0-100 in 8.5 seconds, you pretty much have to floor it and redline every gear in your pathetic automatic gearbox. You look like you're trying hard.
The bike wants to be revved, the engine is designed to be high-revving. So it doesn't look strange when the rider goes for it.
And if you're talking about a proper, big bike, forget it. 0-100 in 3ish seconds, 160kph in first gear ... You're not going to match that in too many cars.
Car 1, Bike 3
Comfort
Duh.
And before anybody says anything about a Goldwing, well STFU. If you're going to buy a $25,000 bike with heated everything, MP3 stereo, integrated GPS/traffic/weather, tire pressure monitoring, ABS, and even a freaking AIRBAG ... Just buy a car already. You're practically there.
Car 2, Bike 3
Safety
Again, pretty damn obvious. 38 times more likely to be killed while riding a motorcycle vs. driving a car, I think.
The car gets the +1 point here, but the bike should really. Getting on your bike outside the pub, is the modern equivalent of the Clint Eastwood-type jumping on his horse outside the saloon. The chicks are loving it. Popping a wheelie -- the same as rearing the horse back and galloping away. The difference here is, bikes don't drop shit all along the road.
Car 3, Bike 3
Cool Factor
A car is a car is a car. If you're getting out of a fully-sick dropped V8 Commodore with 20" chrome rims, you just look like a try-hard 18 year old. If you're getting out of a race-tuned Skyline with the paint stripped back to the primer and a blow-off valve that could wake the dead, you just look like a try-hard 22 year old. If you're getting out of a Lamborghini Murcielago which does 0-100 in 3.4 seconds and cost more than a house, you just look like a rich wanker with too much spare money.
But, if you're getting off a CBR1000, you're automatically awesome. Even non-bike people love a proper bike like this. I know because 4 months ago I had absolutely no interest in bikes, yet still found my mate's CBR to be as attractive as a hot girl in a short skirt. Yes, it's fair to say I wanted to mount it. The bike and the girl.
Car 3, Bike 4
 |
| <blop> ... <blop> .... (That's my drool hitting the floor) |
Cost
You can buy a new top-of-the-range bike for like $22,000. That same money will only get you a so-so new car. The bike needs more maintenance but you can do a lot yourself (I can't, obviously).
And petrol ... Oh sweet petrol. 3 to 4 litres per 100km. Probably because we're not dragging around 4 empty seats and a 60 litre boot.
Sleek. Efficient. And very, very cheap. Bikes are just like me.
Car 3, Bike 5
So there you have it. Leave a comment if you like. But it's hard to argue with the scientific facts that I've presented here.
There are times I would prefer to own a car, but they're pretty rare. Doing the grocery shopping comes to mind ...
-Gray
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
30 second Restaurant Review - KFC, Dogswamp
(This review is my own personal opinion, based on my own personal experience, personally. Which may not be the same as your own experience.)
Stopped here on the group ride last week. I wasn't particularly impressed.
Service - Wow, I've literally been served faster at the Doctors office. I've seen lines in the Licensing Centre that moved faster than this. Having 4 staff attending to drive-through, and 1 poor bastard taking and picking orders at the front desk, is not a good plan. Especially when 15 bikers line up. -1 point.
Pricing - If Hungry Jack's can do a stunner deal for $4.95 which includes burger, chips, drink and an icecream, why am I paying about $7 for a Tower Burger? The "Krusher" thing was a bit expensive too. -1 point.
Food Selection - Good selection. Actually, too much selection. Want a Tower Burger? They've got "original", "hot 'n' spicy", or "firey grilled". Jesus wept, just keep it simple! They got mine wrong, but changed it for me at least.
Here is some of the "meal" options they sell, for your entertainment: family feast, giant feast, mega meal, maxi hot bucket, super variety bucket .... Who comes up with these names? "Super Variety Bucket" sounds like a silly Japanese game-show ... "Super-Fun Variety Fantastic Bucket!!" +1 point anyway
Food Quality - Can't complain about the good old Tower Burger. Putting a hash brown inside a burger? Brilliant. Somebody should be given a prize for thinking of that. +1 point.
Ambiance - A bit on the cold side. And only 1 bin for the entire restaurant? What is this, 1945? Put some bins in you cheap bastards! Also the hand dryer in the toilets only blows cold air. Get it fixed. It's not rocket science. -1 point.
KFC Dogswamp - -1 out of 5 (another sub-zero score, wow!)
BOYCOTTED
-Gray
Stopped here on the group ride last week. I wasn't particularly impressed.
Service - Wow, I've literally been served faster at the Doctors office. I've seen lines in the Licensing Centre that moved faster than this. Having 4 staff attending to drive-through, and 1 poor bastard taking and picking orders at the front desk, is not a good plan. Especially when 15 bikers line up. -1 point.
Pricing - If Hungry Jack's can do a stunner deal for $4.95 which includes burger, chips, drink and an icecream, why am I paying about $7 for a Tower Burger? The "Krusher" thing was a bit expensive too. -1 point.
Food Selection - Good selection. Actually, too much selection. Want a Tower Burger? They've got "original", "hot 'n' spicy", or "firey grilled". Jesus wept, just keep it simple! They got mine wrong, but changed it for me at least.
Here is some of the "meal" options they sell, for your entertainment: family feast, giant feast, mega meal, maxi hot bucket, super variety bucket .... Who comes up with these names? "Super Variety Bucket" sounds like a silly Japanese game-show ... "Super-Fun Variety Fantastic Bucket!!" +1 point anyway
Food Quality - Can't complain about the good old Tower Burger. Putting a hash brown inside a burger? Brilliant. Somebody should be given a prize for thinking of that. +1 point.
Ambiance - A bit on the cold side. And only 1 bin for the entire restaurant? What is this, 1945? Put some bins in you cheap bastards! Also the hand dryer in the toilets only blows cold air. Get it fixed. It's not rocket science. -1 point.
KFC Dogswamp - -1 out of 5 (another sub-zero score, wow!)
BOYCOTTED
-Gray
Monday, July 25, 2011
[Bike] Upgrade complete
Got a beautiful CBR250R, what a stunner. I mentioned to some of the guys on the group ride how it's lighter and probably turns better than their full size bikes. I don't think they bought it.
Anyway, it's really nice to have EFI and just hit the start button and she's running, even from cold. And filtering to the front and not having to actually worry about getting off the line fast enough.
Oh, and being able to select Neutral first time, every time -- what a luxury!
-Gray
 |
| Sweet like chocolate! ... Sweet like candy, baby!! (singing) |
Oh, and being able to select Neutral first time, every time -- what a luxury!
-Gray
30 second Restaurant Review - Dome Cafe, Mindarie
Service - The girl that took my order was beautiful and smiling. I wonder if she was only smiling so much due to my attractiveness, but even so, it's nice. Unfortunately, the heavily-tattooed girl that brought our drinks out couldn't crack a smile to save her life. Miserable. Completely stoney-faced. Pathetic. Shouldn't be working as a waitress if she hates it so much. 0 points.
Pricing - A little pricey, but nothing too upsetting. +1 point.
Drinks - My coffee was a half-inch from the lip of the cup, and somewhere between "warm" and "hot". If I can take a massive gulp immediately after she sets it down, guess what, it's not hot enough. What an absolute ripoff. I'm not a barista, but I know a poor coffee when I see one. -1 point.
Food - Not too impressed. Now, I ordered the "big breakfast" with no tomato, and no mushroom. Did she ask if I wanted extra of something else instead? No. They just brought me a half-empty plate that I paid $17 for. Seriously, how hard is it to slap an extra hashbrown on the plate? The sausages weren't cooked enough. And check out the "toast" that my mate got with his "eggs on toast":
Absolutely mental. -1 point.
Ambiance - Table full of bogans sitting right behind us, you know what I'm talking about -- talking too loudly in deep masculine voices, using expressions like "Oi" and "Mate" a lot. Yes we get it, you're the alpha-males, biggest biceps, you drive the biggest car and get the best women. Shouldn't you be at McDonalds or something? I'm trying to enjoy my breakfast here. -1 point.
Dome Cafe, Mindarie - -2 out of 5 (below 0? That's a first.)
BOYCOTTED
Pricing - A little pricey, but nothing too upsetting. +1 point.
Drinks - My coffee was a half-inch from the lip of the cup, and somewhere between "warm" and "hot". If I can take a massive gulp immediately after she sets it down, guess what, it's not hot enough. What an absolute ripoff. I'm not a barista, but I know a poor coffee when I see one. -1 point.
Food - Not too impressed. Now, I ordered the "big breakfast" with no tomato, and no mushroom. Did she ask if I wanted extra of something else instead? No. They just brought me a half-empty plate that I paid $17 for. Seriously, how hard is it to slap an extra hashbrown on the plate? The sausages weren't cooked enough. And check out the "toast" that my mate got with his "eggs on toast":
 |
| "Eggs on bread". Pathetic. Even a small child knows how to make toast. |
Ambiance - Table full of bogans sitting right behind us, you know what I'm talking about -- talking too loudly in deep masculine voices, using expressions like "Oi" and "Mate" a lot. Yes we get it, you're the alpha-males, biggest biceps, you drive the biggest car and get the best women. Shouldn't you be at McDonalds or something? I'm trying to enjoy my breakfast here. -1 point.
Dome Cafe, Mindarie - -2 out of 5 (below 0? That's a first.)
BOYCOTTED
Monday, July 18, 2011
[Bike] Upgrade time, test ride CBR250
So the Ninja has at least 2 weeks waiting list, probably 2 months for a black one. Bah! If they're selling bikes that fast, build them faster. It's basic economics. They've just lost a sale because I'm not patient enough to wait.
So on to Plan B, check out the cheap and badly-built Hyosung GT250R! In some lucky twist of fate, the dealer didn't have any in stock. But they did have plenty of CBR250's. I didn't really want one of these because they're a single cylinder, just like my current bike, and they look a bit skinny and feminine. Fortunately, I look a bit skinny and feminine, so I took one for a spin.
I hopped on and I said, "I'll be back in 20 minutes." The guy goes, "Err, you don't need that long do you?"
I said, "Fifteen then."
He says, "You'll know 5 minutes down the road whether you like it or not." Oh OK so it's unreasonable for me to want to give the bike a proper run before I drop $6k on it? Am I suppposed to guess what it feels like on the freeway? Or how the seating position feels after a proper half-hour ride? Pathetic. Does he want to sell a bike to me, or not? So I came back 15 minutes later, thinking I could always ride it again for longer another time.
I've had a couple of bad experiences with vehicle salesmen, and this guy isn't helping the stereotype so far.
Anyway the bike was fine, a definite improvement over my commuter. I always wanted to be on a sports bike. Positioning feels much better, sounds better, goes better.
On a dual carriageway, no other cars around me, a lady pulled right out across the road to turn right and I locked the front wheel for a moment before letting up and swerving to avoid her rear. It was that close. Stupid little tart. The worst part is, she had stopped to look for traffic, looked right through me, and accelerated right across my path. Now just imagine if I'd have hit or clipped her, I would be up for the cost of the entire bike since I signed the form before riding off! Crazy times.
So maybe I'll get a CBR250, maybe I'll wait around and check out a Hyosung or something.
CBR250 Pro's:
- It's a Honda, and that's worth something in my book.
- It's available right now, and in black. Brilliant.
- Cheaper to buy, more economical, and more torque at lower RPM than a Ninja (don't need to wring it's neck so much)
CBR250 Con's:
- 0-100 of nearly 9 seconds. That's pathetic! I've read the Ninja does it in about 6?
- Top speed of 150kph. Not quite as fast as I was hoping for.
Here are the two other paint schemes I saw in the shop. Which one is the best? I can't decide:
[Pictures removed from this entry because they didn't belong to me]
-Gray
So on to Plan B, check out the cheap and badly-built Hyosung GT250R! In some lucky twist of fate, the dealer didn't have any in stock. But they did have plenty of CBR250's. I didn't really want one of these because they're a single cylinder, just like my current bike, and they look a bit skinny and feminine. Fortunately, I look a bit skinny and feminine, so I took one for a spin.
I hopped on and I said, "I'll be back in 20 minutes." The guy goes, "Err, you don't need that long do you?"
I said, "Fifteen then."
He says, "You'll know 5 minutes down the road whether you like it or not." Oh OK so it's unreasonable for me to want to give the bike a proper run before I drop $6k on it? Am I suppposed to guess what it feels like on the freeway? Or how the seating position feels after a proper half-hour ride? Pathetic. Does he want to sell a bike to me, or not? So I came back 15 minutes later, thinking I could always ride it again for longer another time.
I've had a couple of bad experiences with vehicle salesmen, and this guy isn't helping the stereotype so far.
Anyway the bike was fine, a definite improvement over my commuter. I always wanted to be on a sports bike. Positioning feels much better, sounds better, goes better.
On a dual carriageway, no other cars around me, a lady pulled right out across the road to turn right and I locked the front wheel for a moment before letting up and swerving to avoid her rear. It was that close. Stupid little tart. The worst part is, she had stopped to look for traffic, looked right through me, and accelerated right across my path. Now just imagine if I'd have hit or clipped her, I would be up for the cost of the entire bike since I signed the form before riding off! Crazy times.
So maybe I'll get a CBR250, maybe I'll wait around and check out a Hyosung or something.
CBR250 Pro's:
- It's a Honda, and that's worth something in my book.
- It's available right now, and in black. Brilliant.
- Cheaper to buy, more economical, and more torque at lower RPM than a Ninja (don't need to wring it's neck so much)
CBR250 Con's:
- 0-100 of nearly 9 seconds. That's pathetic! I've read the Ninja does it in about 6?
- Top speed of 150kph. Not quite as fast as I was hoping for.
Here are the two other paint schemes I saw in the shop. Which one is the best? I can't decide:
[Pictures removed from this entry because they didn't belong to me]
-Gray
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
[Movie] "Sucker Punch" review
NO SPOILERS HERE.
I went into this expecting to turn it off in disgust, and then write a scathing post about how shit it was. Unfortunately, they've made a great little movie here. The trailer sold this movie way short. You could say I got "Sucker Punched" by this movie ... Hey? Hey? You see what I did there?
The action scenes are completely saturated in slow motion, wire effects, and CGI up the yin-yang -- but because these scenes take place in a sort of "dream world", it works really well. You know how in a dream, things are actually really strange and vivid? But you never notice this during the dream, only after you wake up. "Oh wow, I was flying in that dream. Weird." But when you're actually having the dream, you're just like "Yep, let me just fly over here .. Oh wait there is my old teacher from 3rd grade.".
The main points of this movie are: fairly interesting story if you can get a grip on it, incredibly sexy chicks who wear the most sexy outfits and look absolutely perfect in every single shot, and pretty mindblowing action scenes which fit within the context of the plot. It's almost as if they took the best bits of The Matrix, replaced Keanu Reeves with several smoking hot girls, and stripped out all the babble about destiny and free-will, replacing it with pure, undiluted awesomness.
So I'm not raving about "Why don't they ever get bruised? Why does their makeup always look perfect? Why are they suddenly able to swing a sword like a Japanese master?" It doesn't matter because it's a dream.
Overall, it's not as brainless as I thought. I pretty much predicted the overall plot, but not completely. And I'm still not sure I understand everything. So yes, there is definitely some meat on the bones here. And the chicks in mini-skirts and other sexy apparel is just the icing on the cake. The main character is just so damn sexy. Probably not in real life. But in this movie she looks incredible.
Just rent this movie, it's well worth a watch. I'm going to watch it again in a few days time.
Sucker Punch - 5 out of 5 for guys (if you're a girl, subtract 1 point, unless you're lesbian)
Disclaimer - one thing I simply cannot forgive is the use of the old "three-point landing". You know what I'm talking about; when somebody lands on the ground with one knee down, one foot down, and one hand down. Then they look up past the camera with a dramatic expression on their face. You see it in movies all the time, and it happens about 48 times in Sucker Punch. It's the most stupid concept I've ever seen. You would literally break less bones if you just landed in a limp pile.
-Gray
I went into this expecting to turn it off in disgust, and then write a scathing post about how shit it was. Unfortunately, they've made a great little movie here. The trailer sold this movie way short. You could say I got "Sucker Punched" by this movie ... Hey? Hey? You see what I did there?
The action scenes are completely saturated in slow motion, wire effects, and CGI up the yin-yang -- but because these scenes take place in a sort of "dream world", it works really well. You know how in a dream, things are actually really strange and vivid? But you never notice this during the dream, only after you wake up. "Oh wow, I was flying in that dream. Weird." But when you're actually having the dream, you're just like "Yep, let me just fly over here .. Oh wait there is my old teacher from 3rd grade.".
The main points of this movie are: fairly interesting story if you can get a grip on it, incredibly sexy chicks who wear the most sexy outfits and look absolutely perfect in every single shot, and pretty mindblowing action scenes which fit within the context of the plot. It's almost as if they took the best bits of The Matrix, replaced Keanu Reeves with several smoking hot girls, and stripped out all the babble about destiny and free-will, replacing it with pure, undiluted awesomness.
So I'm not raving about "Why don't they ever get bruised? Why does their makeup always look perfect? Why are they suddenly able to swing a sword like a Japanese master?" It doesn't matter because it's a dream.
Overall, it's not as brainless as I thought. I pretty much predicted the overall plot, but not completely. And I'm still not sure I understand everything. So yes, there is definitely some meat on the bones here. And the chicks in mini-skirts and other sexy apparel is just the icing on the cake. The main character is just so damn sexy. Probably not in real life. But in this movie she looks incredible.
Just rent this movie, it's well worth a watch. I'm going to watch it again in a few days time.
Sucker Punch - 5 out of 5 for guys (if you're a girl, subtract 1 point, unless you're lesbian)
Disclaimer - one thing I simply cannot forgive is the use of the old "three-point landing". You know what I'm talking about; when somebody lands on the ground with one knee down, one foot down, and one hand down. Then they look up past the camera with a dramatic expression on their face. You see it in movies all the time, and it happens about 48 times in Sucker Punch. It's the most stupid concept I've ever seen. You would literally break less bones if you just landed in a limp pile.
-Gray
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
[iPhone] Review - Rat on a Scooter
[This is an opinion piece on "Rat on a Scooter" by Donut Games. The official website is here.]
If for some reason you've never played this game, I'm surprised. It's fairly popular. Donut Games have a few dozen games out on the App store. I've bought 12 of them so far, but there is only really 2 that I play -- Traffic Rush, and Rat on a Scooter.
This game is the perfect pick-up-and-play arcade title. You can play it with just your left thumb. It's perfect for playing in short bursts since most games are over in one or two minutes. I used to regularly play this while on my smoke breaks. I no longer smoke, but it's still a fun game.
Touch the screen to make your little rat jump. How long you press determines how high you'll jump. You can add a little "double jump" when you need it, by touching again. That's all there is to it. When you fall and touch the bottom of the screen, it will pop up "Try Again" or "Main Menu". Is way too easy to hit "Try Again".
There are 3 other modes, but they're mostly forgettable. In one you collect fuel, in another special icons which make the platforms bigger or give you a jetpack, and another where you have to avoid traffic cones. Bah!
Just stick with the main mode and you'll be loving it. You can also follow your score and achievements over Game Center.
It's the first game I've reviewed which I've actually spent serious time with. I installed it like 6 months ago at least, and it's still fun in short bursts. Here's my stat screen from my iPod touch:
Rat on a Scooter - 5 out of 5
Just buy it!
-Gray
If for some reason you've never played this game, I'm surprised. It's fairly popular. Donut Games have a few dozen games out on the App store. I've bought 12 of them so far, but there is only really 2 that I play -- Traffic Rush, and Rat on a Scooter.
 |
| Simple, bold, colourful and easy to operate. Just the way I like my girlfriends. |
This game is the perfect pick-up-and-play arcade title. You can play it with just your left thumb. It's perfect for playing in short bursts since most games are over in one or two minutes. I used to regularly play this while on my smoke breaks. I no longer smoke, but it's still a fun game.
Touch the screen to make your little rat jump. How long you press determines how high you'll jump. You can add a little "double jump" when you need it, by touching again. That's all there is to it. When you fall and touch the bottom of the screen, it will pop up "Try Again" or "Main Menu". Is way too easy to hit "Try Again".
 |
| "Ya! Gimme dat cheesey!" (my rat talks in an Italian accent) |
Just stick with the main mode and you'll be loving it. You can also follow your score and achievements over Game Center.
 |
| Oh sick front-wheel grind, boyeee! <snaps fingers like Ali G> |
Rat on a Scooter - 5 out of 5
Just buy it!
-Gray
[iPhone] Review - Dungeon Hunter 2
[This is an opinion piece on "Dungeon Hunter 2", by Gameloft. The official website is here.]
I vaguely remember the first Dungeon Hunter. I really enjoyed it for a few play sessions, then it got insanely boring and I never touched it again.
So let's give the sequel a chance.
Gameplay - Well, it's more of the same. But with better graphics and more wide-open and detailed environments.
If you've played "Diablo" on PC you'll know what to expect here. Of course, in Diablo you actually had to move your mouse pointer over the enemy you want to hit, before clicking. In Dungeon Hunter 2, you just click the attack button. Or hold it down until everything on the screen has been terminated. Then you walk a bit further on, find a new batch of enemies, and sit still again while auto-attack takes them out.
It's actually not quite as boring as I just made it sound. There are plenty of flashy visuals to keep you entertained. All the levels and areas I've been in so far look incredible and quite varied. Monsters (somewhat inexplicably) drop all sorts of items, which you can auto-equip, or auto-transmute which means you automatically cash them in for gold as soon as you collect them. But you can set it to hang on to the really good shit.
You will gain levels pretty much every 5 to 10 minutes, so this kind of strings you along. You're always trying to get a few more points into one of your stats, so that you can equip that awesome piece of gear. Unfortunately, no sooner have you grown strong enough to equip it than you'll find something even better that you want to use. It never ends. It's been the staple drawcard of "action RPGs" since the original Diablo, and it works just as well here. Ahh, many evenings has my little fish been fed late, because I just wanted to clear out this final level of the area I was on.
But anyway, essentially, all you're doing is holding your thumb down on the attack button. And clicking on the occasional spell button to mix things up a bit. Meh.
Graphics - Like I said, awesome.
Sound - Hmm it's OK. Music is pretty generic fantasy RPG-type stuff. Sound effects are decent.
Value - Pretty good. I look at it this way -- let's say you spend $1.19 on this game. Maybe you play it in short bursts, two or three times per week. After a few weeks, you've probably spent 3 or 4 hours on the game. That works out to about 29 cents per hour. Outside of Bangkok, where else are you going to get entertained for that kind of money?
Dungeon Hunter 2 - 4 out of 5
Does exactly what it says on the tin. Barely engages your brain, but it's not supposed to.
-Gray
I vaguely remember the first Dungeon Hunter. I really enjoyed it for a few play sessions, then it got insanely boring and I never touched it again.
So let's give the sequel a chance.
 |
| Ah, the classic "Choose a Class" screen. That old chestnut. Never gets old, does it? |
If you've played "Diablo" on PC you'll know what to expect here. Of course, in Diablo you actually had to move your mouse pointer over the enemy you want to hit, before clicking. In Dungeon Hunter 2, you just click the attack button. Or hold it down until everything on the screen has been terminated. Then you walk a bit further on, find a new batch of enemies, and sit still again while auto-attack takes them out.
 |
| Poor Trungus, living in a swamp, an outcast ... and now a strange Wizard wanders along and blows him up. |
It's actually not quite as boring as I just made it sound. There are plenty of flashy visuals to keep you entertained. All the levels and areas I've been in so far look incredible and quite varied. Monsters (somewhat inexplicably) drop all sorts of items, which you can auto-equip, or auto-transmute which means you automatically cash them in for gold as soon as you collect them. But you can set it to hang on to the really good shit.
You will gain levels pretty much every 5 to 10 minutes, so this kind of strings you along. You're always trying to get a few more points into one of your stats, so that you can equip that awesome piece of gear. Unfortunately, no sooner have you grown strong enough to equip it than you'll find something even better that you want to use. It never ends. It's been the staple drawcard of "action RPGs" since the original Diablo, and it works just as well here. Ahh, many evenings has my little fish been fed late, because I just wanted to clear out this final level of the area I was on.
But anyway, essentially, all you're doing is holding your thumb down on the attack button. And clicking on the occasional spell button to mix things up a bit. Meh.
 |
| Worship that "Auto-Equip" button. Caress it, make sweet love to it ... It simplifies everything. |
Graphics - Like I said, awesome.
Sound - Hmm it's OK. Music is pretty generic fantasy RPG-type stuff. Sound effects are decent.
 |
| CSI: Dungeon Hunter ... "I guess they...<removes sunglasses> ...made it to the barbeque." <music starts> |
Value - Pretty good. I look at it this way -- let's say you spend $1.19 on this game. Maybe you play it in short bursts, two or three times per week. After a few weeks, you've probably spent 3 or 4 hours on the game. That works out to about 29 cents per hour. Outside of Bangkok, where else are you going to get entertained for that kind of money?
Dungeon Hunter 2 - 4 out of 5
Does exactly what it says on the tin. Barely engages your brain, but it's not supposed to.
 |
| Yay I'm a SHADOWMANCER! It sounds a bit gay, but it's not ... No, really. |
-Gray
Sunday, July 3, 2011
[iPhone] Review - Dead Space
[This is an opinion piece on "Dead Space" by Electronic Arts. The official website is here.]
I used to have Dead Space on the Xbox360. I wasn't really impressed to be honest. I barely put 2 or 3 hours into it altogether. Complete waste of money ...
So when I saw the chance to give EA Games even more of my money by purchasing the same game in a watered-down version for the tiny iPhone screen -- I jumped at it.
But seriously I only bought this because it's on sale for $1.19 right now. I've spent about 30 minutes playing, so I feel more than qualified to give a thorough and accurate appraisal of it.
Dead Space is a survival-horror game. The ambiance is pretty much "Event Horizon" meets "Aliens" meets the Space Hulk universe. You walk around a lot, and get to blast the limbs off insectoid monsters which come crawling from everywhere, trying to slice open your face.
Graphics - Brilliant. The screen shots on this page have lost a lot of detail during e-mailing, rotation, convert to .jpg and then resize into the blog -- an original 1.2mb screenshot becomes 50kb for the blog. That means what you're seeing is 4% of what it actually looks like. So times these pictures by a factor of 25.
You get the point. Sharp graphics, smooth FPS, and quick load times all contribute to the moody atmosphere, which is helped a lot by the ...
Sound - I'm a big fan of sound in games. It can really make or break the atmospheric atmosphere of the environmental environment. In Dead Space's case, atmospherically and environmentally, they got it right. The monsters sound nasty, the ominous music sets the mood, and the startling string noises that play when a monster scampers across the corridor in front of you can really make you jump. But none of that matters, unless the game has good ...
Gameplay - Hmm. The problem (for me) with the original Dead Space on Xbox is that the main character has no agility. You feel like you're walking in mud or something. More realistic? Maybe. But not more fun.
They haven't fixed it here. It's an over-the-shoulder view which kind of sucks, since almost half of the screen is blocked by your character's back. Do you really want to stare at his back for the entire game? No.
Apart from that it's OK I guess. You can aim pretty easily, and cut off the monster's legs, arms, or head. Blast a leg and they'll still crawl towards you. When they get close you can swipe downwards to stomp them into a pulp. A couple of other gestures are used when you get grabbed by a critter.
I didn't manage to take screenshots of the battles, because I was too busy shitting myself and trying not to get eaten.
It's got plenty of gore too:
Oh also your character has some extra tricks, like a "stasis thingy" which slows down moving machinery, and a "kinetic whats-it" which let's you throw around boxes. And probably monsters. Like I said, I'm about 5% through the game so I'm not sure about everything yet.
Value - For $1.19 I'm not upset. If I paid $8 I wouldn't be thrilled. Especially when I noticed this:
This is absolute bollocks. You pay for a game, and then you find another 100 ways to spend more money on it by upgrading your character, buying new weapons, etc. I know it's only single-player so there is no disadvantage to not buying the upgrades ... But it's still cheeky to even ask players to spend more. It's not like you're buying more levels or gameplay ... All they seem to be selling are "cheats" to make the game easier. What kind of moron would actually buy these things, I can only imagine ...
Anyway, it's not really my type of game to be honest, but to be fair -- it looks nice, sounds nice, smooth controls, hasn't crashed, everything loads super fast on my iPhone 4, and has good production values (as far as quality of sound, music, graphics, pacing, etc.). I even noticed a few options in the main menu for playing a specific level, and a button called "5 minutes to kill" which I guess lets you blast the monsters and aim for a high score, or something.
Dead Space - 4 out of 5 (If you enjoy over-the-shoulder shooters, treat this as a 5 out of 5 score)
Solid.
-Gray
I used to have Dead Space on the Xbox360. I wasn't really impressed to be honest. I barely put 2 or 3 hours into it altogether. Complete waste of money ...
So when I saw the chance to give EA Games even more of my money by purchasing the same game in a watered-down version for the tiny iPhone screen -- I jumped at it.
 |
| Dead Space by Electronic Arts |
But seriously I only bought this because it's on sale for $1.19 right now. I've spent about 30 minutes playing, so I feel more than qualified to give a thorough and accurate appraisal of it.
Dead Space is a survival-horror game. The ambiance is pretty much "Event Horizon" meets "Aliens" meets the Space Hulk universe. You walk around a lot, and get to blast the limbs off insectoid monsters which come crawling from everywhere, trying to slice open your face.
Graphics - Brilliant. The screen shots on this page have lost a lot of detail during e-mailing, rotation, convert to .jpg and then resize into the blog -- an original 1.2mb screenshot becomes 50kb for the blog. That means what you're seeing is 4% of what it actually looks like. So times these pictures by a factor of 25.
 |
| A light source behind a roof fan? Seriously. That only happens in video games. |
You get the point. Sharp graphics, smooth FPS, and quick load times all contribute to the moody atmosphere, which is helped a lot by the ...
Sound - I'm a big fan of sound in games. It can really make or break the atmospheric atmosphere of the environmental environment. In Dead Space's case, atmospherically and environmentally, they got it right. The monsters sound nasty, the ominous music sets the mood, and the startling string noises that play when a monster scampers across the corridor in front of you can really make you jump. But none of that matters, unless the game has good ...
Gameplay - Hmm. The problem (for me) with the original Dead Space on Xbox is that the main character has no agility. You feel like you're walking in mud or something. More realistic? Maybe. But not more fun.
They haven't fixed it here. It's an over-the-shoulder view which kind of sucks, since almost half of the screen is blocked by your character's back. Do you really want to stare at his back for the entire game? No.
 |
| A lot of the detail lost, but it's very atmospheric when you're actually playing. |
Apart from that it's OK I guess. You can aim pretty easily, and cut off the monster's legs, arms, or head. Blast a leg and they'll still crawl towards you. When they get close you can swipe downwards to stomp them into a pulp. A couple of other gestures are used when you get grabbed by a critter.
I didn't manage to take screenshots of the battles, because I was too busy shitting myself and trying not to get eaten.
It's got plenty of gore too:
 |
| "Cleanup in aisle 12! Janitor to aisle 12, please ..." |
Value - For $1.19 I'm not upset. If I paid $8 I wouldn't be thrilled. Especially when I noticed this:
 |
| Increase your fun! Just send us more money! |
Anyway, it's not really my type of game to be honest, but to be fair -- it looks nice, sounds nice, smooth controls, hasn't crashed, everything loads super fast on my iPhone 4, and has good production values (as far as quality of sound, music, graphics, pacing, etc.). I even noticed a few options in the main menu for playing a specific level, and a button called "5 minutes to kill" which I guess lets you blast the monsters and aim for a high score, or something.
Dead Space - 4 out of 5 (If you enjoy over-the-shoulder shooters, treat this as a 5 out of 5 score)
Solid.
-Gray
Friday, July 1, 2011
[iPhone] Let's Play Order & Chaos - episode 4
Episode 4 - Silence, Sewing and Spells
Today I decided to complete one of my quests which called for me trekking along a path, around the lake, and to the next town. This town is called "Silence".
So off I toddled, slaying crocodiles and giant spiders along the way. Every now and again I found a heap of material with gems sticking out. After picking away with my pick-axe, I found that these contained "bronze material". Strange.
Near the town of Silence, I came across a huge wooden bridge with a colossal waterfall to one side. This screenshot doesn't really do it justice:
Eventually I reached the town of "Silence". Pretty ironic name considering that this town is twice the size of "Fallen Leaf" where I started, and is bustling with NPCs:
Honestly, I couldn't get a minutes peace. Apart from all the NPCs standing around with strange icons glowing over their heads, there were several real people running around, seemingly at random. Probably looking for the public toilets.
After stumbling between NPCs like a drunk toddler, I managed to find one who taught me the rare skills of "Tailoring". I could also have chosen to learn "Leather working" or "Metal working", but what self-respecting Mage wants to learn them?
Unfortunately, after some more research, I learned that constructing even a simple pair of boots is going to cost more silver (and time) than the boots will be worth. So I think I'll leave Crafting for a while yet.
Then I stumbled across the local Pub. I stepped inside. At first I thought, "Hmm this seems familiar". But I quickly realised that this place was an exact replica of the Pub in Fallen Leaf village. I mean, everything was identical. Even the local Sheriff was standing in the same spot, smashed out of his tree of course. Everybody had different names, but apart from that it was identical....
I said "Riiiiiight ....." and slowly backed out of the door.
Finally, I came across the local temple, inside which I picked up a couple more quests, and found somebody willing to sell me some new spells. So I bought Frost Bolt, and upgraded my existing spells. She didn't seem to be selling the "Make a Woman's Clothes Vanish" spell, but I'll keep searching.
I've been specialising in the "ice" type of spells rather than the "fire" type. My thinking is, there is already plenty of fireballs being chucked around -- it'd be "cool" to use ice magic. Plus, it gives me the opportunity to throw around some Mr. Freeze-style puns (YouTube - Mr. Freeze's Puns) -- "You are not sending me to the cooler!" Brilliant!
By the way I'm now level 8 and I upgrading my old dagger for a nice, shiny staff.
-Gray
Today I decided to complete one of my quests which called for me trekking along a path, around the lake, and to the next town. This town is called "Silence".
So off I toddled, slaying crocodiles and giant spiders along the way. Every now and again I found a heap of material with gems sticking out. After picking away with my pick-axe, I found that these contained "bronze material". Strange.
Near the town of Silence, I came across a huge wooden bridge with a colossal waterfall to one side. This screenshot doesn't really do it justice:
 |
| Standing on a bridge looking up at the waterfall. I should have looked down instead. |
 |
| "Silence" - it's anything but. The racket was deafening, frankly. |
After stumbling between NPCs like a drunk toddler, I managed to find one who taught me the rare skills of "Tailoring". I could also have chosen to learn "Leather working" or "Metal working", but what self-respecting Mage wants to learn them?
Unfortunately, after some more research, I learned that constructing even a simple pair of boots is going to cost more silver (and time) than the boots will be worth. So I think I'll leave Crafting for a while yet.
Then I stumbled across the local Pub. I stepped inside. At first I thought, "Hmm this seems familiar". But I quickly realised that this place was an exact replica of the Pub in Fallen Leaf village. I mean, everything was identical. Even the local Sheriff was standing in the same spot, smashed out of his tree of course. Everybody had different names, but apart from that it was identical....
I said "Riiiiiight ....." and slowly backed out of the door.
Finally, I came across the local temple, inside which I picked up a couple more quests, and found somebody willing to sell me some new spells. So I bought Frost Bolt, and upgraded my existing spells. She didn't seem to be selling the "Make a Woman's Clothes Vanish" spell, but I'll keep searching.
I've been specialising in the "ice" type of spells rather than the "fire" type. My thinking is, there is already plenty of fireballs being chucked around -- it'd be "cool" to use ice magic. Plus, it gives me the opportunity to throw around some Mr. Freeze-style puns (YouTube - Mr. Freeze's Puns) -- "You are not sending me to the cooler!" Brilliant!
 |
| The Great Holy Temple of Holy Greatness. |
-Gray
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