(This review is my own personal opinion, based on my own personal experience, personally. Which may not be the same as your own experience.)
Stopped here on the group ride last week. I wasn't particularly impressed.
Service - Wow, I've literally been served faster at the Doctors office. I've seen lines in the Licensing Centre that moved faster than this. Having 4 staff attending to drive-through, and 1 poor bastard taking and picking orders at the front desk, is not a good plan. Especially when 15 bikers line up. -1 point.
Pricing - If Hungry Jack's can do a stunner deal for $4.95 which includes burger, chips, drink and an icecream, why am I paying about $7 for a Tower Burger? The "Krusher" thing was a bit expensive too. -1 point.
Food Selection - Good selection. Actually, too much selection. Want a Tower Burger? They've got "original", "hot 'n' spicy", or "firey grilled". Jesus wept, just keep it simple! They got mine wrong, but changed it for me at least.
Here is some of the "meal" options they sell, for your entertainment: family feast, giant feast, mega meal, maxi hot bucket, super variety bucket .... Who comes up with these names? "Super Variety Bucket" sounds like a silly Japanese game-show ... "Super-Fun Variety Fantastic Bucket!!" +1 point anyway
Food Quality - Can't complain about the good old Tower Burger. Putting a hash brown inside a burger? Brilliant. Somebody should be given a prize for thinking of that. +1 point.
Ambiance - A bit on the cold side. And only 1 bin for the entire restaurant? What is this, 1945? Put some bins in you cheap bastards! Also the hand dryer in the toilets only blows cold air. Get it fixed. It's not rocket science. -1 point.
KFC Dogswamp - -1 out of 5 (another sub-zero score, wow!)
BOYCOTTED
-Gray
Showing posts with label review. Show all posts
Showing posts with label review. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Friday, June 24, 2011
[Movie] "Super 8" Review (SPOILERS)
Well I'm glad I only dropped $10 on this piece of rubbish. The name "Steven Spielberg" used to stand for something. It stood for quality, story, and other useful things. How he attached himself to "Super 8", I'll never know.
Take "Cloverfield" and add a pinch of "Signs", and a dash of "E.T.". That's the recipe for this movie. The strange thing is, I liked those movies, whereas "Super 8" stinks worse than my socks after riding my bike in the heat for 4 hours.
Kids discover an alien invasion, somehow survive while trained soldiers around them are brutally slain, the girl get's taken by the beast, the main character rescues her, he manages to communicate with the creature, and then everybody watches it safely return to it's home planet, while hugging, with nice music playing. Even more predictable than "Transformers".
Of course, you have to have a love interest for the main character. And she has to get saved from certain death, at the last possible second. And then hug him while emotional string music plays, even though they are literally in the den of a massive beast and would probably be blubbering and screaming, running for their lives. Pathetic. Unrealistic.
You've got your all-American main character with the boyish good looks, then you've got your slightly-goofy sidekick for comic relief. The overweight kid gets jealous over the main character's budding relationship with the girl. So that's a 30 second scene. Then they don't explore it further. In fact, character development is basically zero. The two fathers who hate each other, suddenly mend their differences and become friends during the crises. This is covered in a 30 second driving scene.
I have no idea who this movie is aimed at. It's too scary for kids, with the "sudden noise" jumps all over the place, and the nasty looking creature killing people left and right.
But no intelligent person over the age of 18 should enjoy this film. So I'm confused about who it's designed to entertain. I guess -- nobody.
Super 8 - 2 out of 5.
Avoid!
-Gray
Take "Cloverfield" and add a pinch of "Signs", and a dash of "E.T.". That's the recipe for this movie. The strange thing is, I liked those movies, whereas "Super 8" stinks worse than my socks after riding my bike in the heat for 4 hours.
Kids discover an alien invasion, somehow survive while trained soldiers around them are brutally slain, the girl get's taken by the beast, the main character rescues her, he manages to communicate with the creature, and then everybody watches it safely return to it's home planet, while hugging, with nice music playing. Even more predictable than "Transformers".
Of course, you have to have a love interest for the main character. And she has to get saved from certain death, at the last possible second. And then hug him while emotional string music plays, even though they are literally in the den of a massive beast and would probably be blubbering and screaming, running for their lives. Pathetic. Unrealistic.
You've got your all-American main character with the boyish good looks, then you've got your slightly-goofy sidekick for comic relief. The overweight kid gets jealous over the main character's budding relationship with the girl. So that's a 30 second scene. Then they don't explore it further. In fact, character development is basically zero. The two fathers who hate each other, suddenly mend their differences and become friends during the crises. This is covered in a 30 second driving scene.
I have no idea who this movie is aimed at. It's too scary for kids, with the "sudden noise" jumps all over the place, and the nasty looking creature killing people left and right.
But no intelligent person over the age of 18 should enjoy this film. So I'm confused about who it's designed to entertain. I guess -- nobody.
Super 8 - 2 out of 5.
Avoid!
-Gray
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
[iPhone] Review - Papa Sangre
[This is an opinion piece on "Papa Sangre", by SomethinElse. The official website is here.]
Strange little game this one. You have to walk your character around in pitch darkness, using sound as your only sensory input. For the most part it works fairly well. You have to collect gently tinkling "musical notes", before locating the exit and reaching it. The main hazard are monsters which are only ever described as "hogs". You will have to let your own mind decide how they look, but they sound pretty nasty. Passing close to a sleeping hog is fairly nerve-wracking, and the first time I woke one up and I listened to it mauling me while my character screamed repeatedly, I decided that this was a pretty good game.
You tap your two thumbs to make your character walk, and pull your finger across the top half of the screen to turn around. The 3D sound is brilliant. Run too fast and you'll fall. Run into a wall and you'll be stopped dead. Since all the graphics are "rendered" inside your own head, the image quality will vary depending on your hardware. If you're running with just Intel on-board graphics (ie., you have the visualisation capacity of a moron), you might fail to be drawn into the game at all. If you've got a Radeon HD 6990 (ie., a good brain), you'll find things very creepy indeed.
As you progress through the levels, the game introduces new challenges. These include patroling hogs, dry bones that snap when you walk over them which causes the nearest hog to charge to that location looking for you, a crying baby that you can choose to rescue, quick sand which forces you to move slowly ... I'm only about 25% into the game so far, so I expect more variety to come.
It also includes different terrain types within the same level -- for example in the marsh level, you will move through wet reeds, knee-deep water, and the soggy soil of an island in the middle. Of course you have to map all this out within your mind.
The interesting part of this game is playing it with your eyes closed, and forming a mental picture of your surroundings, based purely on the sounds entering your ears. I can't recall any other game making you do this, and I've been playing games since about 1987. So for that alone, Papa Sangre deserves some kudos.
It's not a brilliant game, but it tries something completely new, and pulls it off very well. It's immersive, fresh, interesting, engaging, and occasionally quite terrifying. I'd say most modern triple-A titles fail to tick all of those boxes. And this goes for around $6 I think.
Just make sure you play it in a dim, quiet room.
Papa Sangre - 4 out of 5
-Gray
Strange little game this one. You have to walk your character around in pitch darkness, using sound as your only sensory input. For the most part it works fairly well. You have to collect gently tinkling "musical notes", before locating the exit and reaching it. The main hazard are monsters which are only ever described as "hogs". You will have to let your own mind decide how they look, but they sound pretty nasty. Passing close to a sleeping hog is fairly nerve-wracking, and the first time I woke one up and I listened to it mauling me while my character screamed repeatedly, I decided that this was a pretty good game.
You tap your two thumbs to make your character walk, and pull your finger across the top half of the screen to turn around. The 3D sound is brilliant. Run too fast and you'll fall. Run into a wall and you'll be stopped dead. Since all the graphics are "rendered" inside your own head, the image quality will vary depending on your hardware. If you're running with just Intel on-board graphics (ie., you have the visualisation capacity of a moron), you might fail to be drawn into the game at all. If you've got a Radeon HD 6990 (ie., a good brain), you'll find things very creepy indeed.
As you progress through the levels, the game introduces new challenges. These include patroling hogs, dry bones that snap when you walk over them which causes the nearest hog to charge to that location looking for you, a crying baby that you can choose to rescue, quick sand which forces you to move slowly ... I'm only about 25% into the game so far, so I expect more variety to come.
It also includes different terrain types within the same level -- for example in the marsh level, you will move through wet reeds, knee-deep water, and the soggy soil of an island in the middle. Of course you have to map all this out within your mind.
The interesting part of this game is playing it with your eyes closed, and forming a mental picture of your surroundings, based purely on the sounds entering your ears. I can't recall any other game making you do this, and I've been playing games since about 1987. So for that alone, Papa Sangre deserves some kudos.
It's not a brilliant game, but it tries something completely new, and pulls it off very well. It's immersive, fresh, interesting, engaging, and occasionally quite terrifying. I'd say most modern triple-A titles fail to tick all of those boxes. And this goes for around $6 I think.
Just make sure you play it in a dim, quiet room.
Papa Sangre - 4 out of 5
-Gray
Thursday, June 2, 2011
30 second Restaurant Review - Grill'd Burgers
(This review is my own personal opinion, based on my own personal experience, personally. Which may not be the same as your own experience.)
Tough little review this one. After enjoying Australia's Finest Burgers so many times, it was always going to be a tough act to follow. Imagine taking the stage after The Beatles, or taking your shirt off after me -- you're never going to be able to measure up to the previous glory.
But let me be subjective and unbiased(*).
Ambiance - Well it's Subi, so I have to give one point just for the sexy, sexy people walking around. Everybody walking around in $200 shoes, playing with their iPhones and such. +1 point.
Service - You have to order at the counter. Hmm. But the staff were friendly and that's all-too-rare these days. Food didn't take long to come out. +1 point.
Price - About $12 for a cheeseburger, so it's a little cheaper than I'm used to paying. Unfortunately, this was reflected in the quality of the food. Was my burger worth $12? Yes. If it had cost $15, I'd be upset right now. +1 point.
Drinks - Standard stuff. Soft drinks or beer. My cider was brought, no offer of a glass was proffered or on offer. Some people like to have their cider in a glass, with ice cubes. I'm just saying. 0 points.
Food - And now we get to the meat of the issue! Haha, brilliant pun. The bread is great, lightly toasted. A bit too much flour on the outside frankly -- if I wanted my hands covered in flour, I'd become a baker. The salad was fresh enough, slightly limp though. The lettuce wasn't really crispy. In fact, it was about as limp as my penis on a bus full of old aged pensioners. That's pretty damn limp, take my word for it.
The real problem here was the pattie, which was slightly overcooked, and lacked any real flavour. Pretty dissapointing. They try to make up for this by heaping on about 9 tablespoons of "herb mayonnaise" which appears to be mayonnaise, with some type of herbs in it. Tasted fine but it had nothing to compete with. The only taste was the mayo. How about injecting some flavour into the actual meat? Just a thought. Overall not too shabby, so +1 point.
So not too disappointing, nothing special, just a middle-of-the-road burger at middle-of-the-road prices. It's somewhere between McDonalds, and Australia's Finest Burgers. Better than fast-food, but not good enough to be gourmet. It's like a fast-food-gourmet thing. "Formet", I'm going to call it. (formet, "for-may", noun. Somewhere between "fast food" and "gourmet")
Oh, and -1 point for having a big sign at the entrance proclaiming "Best Burgers in Australia". This is completely unsubstantiated, and very likely to be untrue. False advertising. -1 point. BAM!
Final Score - 3 out of 5
GRILL'D BURGERS, SUBIACO - DECIDEDLY AVERAGE
-Gray
* All my blog entries are objective and biased.
Tough little review this one. After enjoying Australia's Finest Burgers so many times, it was always going to be a tough act to follow. Imagine taking the stage after The Beatles, or taking your shirt off after me -- you're never going to be able to measure up to the previous glory.
But let me be subjective and unbiased(*).
Ambiance - Well it's Subi, so I have to give one point just for the sexy, sexy people walking around. Everybody walking around in $200 shoes, playing with their iPhones and such. +1 point.
Service - You have to order at the counter. Hmm. But the staff were friendly and that's all-too-rare these days. Food didn't take long to come out. +1 point.
Price - About $12 for a cheeseburger, so it's a little cheaper than I'm used to paying. Unfortunately, this was reflected in the quality of the food. Was my burger worth $12? Yes. If it had cost $15, I'd be upset right now. +1 point.
Drinks - Standard stuff. Soft drinks or beer. My cider was brought, no offer of a glass was proffered or on offer. Some people like to have their cider in a glass, with ice cubes. I'm just saying. 0 points.
Food - And now we get to the meat of the issue! Haha, brilliant pun. The bread is great, lightly toasted. A bit too much flour on the outside frankly -- if I wanted my hands covered in flour, I'd become a baker. The salad was fresh enough, slightly limp though. The lettuce wasn't really crispy. In fact, it was about as limp as my penis on a bus full of old aged pensioners. That's pretty damn limp, take my word for it.
The real problem here was the pattie, which was slightly overcooked, and lacked any real flavour. Pretty dissapointing. They try to make up for this by heaping on about 9 tablespoons of "herb mayonnaise" which appears to be mayonnaise, with some type of herbs in it. Tasted fine but it had nothing to compete with. The only taste was the mayo. How about injecting some flavour into the actual meat? Just a thought. Overall not too shabby, so +1 point.
So not too disappointing, nothing special, just a middle-of-the-road burger at middle-of-the-road prices. It's somewhere between McDonalds, and Australia's Finest Burgers. Better than fast-food, but not good enough to be gourmet. It's like a fast-food-gourmet thing. "Formet", I'm going to call it. (formet, "for-may", noun. Somewhere between "fast food" and "gourmet")
Oh, and -1 point for having a big sign at the entrance proclaiming "Best Burgers in Australia". This is completely unsubstantiated, and very likely to be untrue. False advertising. -1 point. BAM!
Final Score - 3 out of 5
GRILL'D BURGERS, SUBIACO - DECIDEDLY AVERAGE
-Gray
* All my blog entries are objective and biased.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
30 second Restaurant Review - The Boat, Mindarie
(This review is my own personal opinion, based on my own personal experience, personally. Which may not be the same as your own experience.)
This place didn't score too well as a pub, so let's see how the dining experience goes ...
Ambiance - Yeah it's OK I guess. Not a fan of multiple projection screens showing AFL and other sporting nonsense. Leave that crap in the bogan's living rooms! Otherwise fine. +1 point.
Staff - Hmmm, staff are friendly, female and attractive, so I'm going to give a point here. But maybe consider opening up more than 1 till because lining up for 9 minutes isn't a lot of fun. +1 point.
Service - You have to line up (for 9 minutes don't forget) at the single till, right across the doorway so there are constantly people pushing to get through the line. Brilliant design there. Then you get a thing that beeps when your food is ready. Oh, so I should come back up to the counter and collect my own food, should I? Haven't you heard of waitresses? I understand this is normal for a pub, but as my good friend "J-Dog" says, "If you're going to charge me restaurant prices, I expect restaurant service." -1 point.
Prices - Not the best to be honest. Could be a little cheaper. I won't deduct a point, though.0 points.
Food - I had a burger. The pattie was far too thick, over cooked, rubbery and tasteless. It had some kind of god-awful "onion sauce" on it. Why? It's illogical. If you're going to put onions on a burger, just put onions on it. Don't mess around making some kind of stupid chutney-looking paste. Otherwise it was OK. The bun was nice. The chips were nice. I'm still not giving a point though. I can't get past that onion chutney shit ... 0 points.
Final Score - 1 out of 5.
THE BOAT, MINDARIE - BOYCOTTED
Oh dear :-(
This place didn't score too well as a pub, so let's see how the dining experience goes ...
Ambiance - Yeah it's OK I guess. Not a fan of multiple projection screens showing AFL and other sporting nonsense. Leave that crap in the bogan's living rooms! Otherwise fine. +1 point.
Staff - Hmmm, staff are friendly, female and attractive, so I'm going to give a point here. But maybe consider opening up more than 1 till because lining up for 9 minutes isn't a lot of fun. +1 point.
Service - You have to line up (for 9 minutes don't forget) at the single till, right across the doorway so there are constantly people pushing to get through the line. Brilliant design there. Then you get a thing that beeps when your food is ready. Oh, so I should come back up to the counter and collect my own food, should I? Haven't you heard of waitresses? I understand this is normal for a pub, but as my good friend "J-Dog" says, "If you're going to charge me restaurant prices, I expect restaurant service." -1 point.
Prices - Not the best to be honest. Could be a little cheaper. I won't deduct a point, though.0 points.
Food - I had a burger. The pattie was far too thick, over cooked, rubbery and tasteless. It had some kind of god-awful "onion sauce" on it. Why? It's illogical. If you're going to put onions on a burger, just put onions on it. Don't mess around making some kind of stupid chutney-looking paste. Otherwise it was OK. The bun was nice. The chips were nice. I'm still not giving a point though. I can't get past that onion chutney shit ... 0 points.
Final Score - 1 out of 5.
THE BOAT, MINDARIE - BOYCOTTED
Oh dear :-(
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
30 second Restaurant Review - Australia's Finest Burgers, Hillarys
I've been here 4 times now, so I feel authorised to pass judgement on them.
Ambiance - Inside is nice and clean looking. Not quite "posh", but definitely nice. I've always sat outside over the water. You can see boats and shit. It's pretty nice. +1 point.
Service - Pretty decent. Friendly, young, up-beat staff. Your food comes out after about 7 minutes. You can set your watch by it. +1 point.
Food & Drink - Pretty damn good. You can pay $6 for a limp, greasy "burger" at a fast food place. Or you can come here. Sure you pay a little more, but it's well worth it. Home made patties, home made tomato sauce stuff, home made salad. Brilliant. Taste is fantastic. +1 point.
Value - Only $13.95 for a cheeseburger, which has crisp, fresh lettuce and sharp, tangy red onion. Delicious!. It's pretty big, you don't need to order chips or anything with it. But if you do, they're only $5 for a large bowl, absolutely delicious and come with aioli or another dip of your choice. You really can't go wrong. Especially since you can drop $30 per head at some other restaurants, just for the main meal (Hog's Breath, anybody?). Beers are average at about $8 each. But no Emu Bitter here -- it's all Little Creatures and some other gourmet brands. Fantastic. +1 point.
I can't think of a 5th category, so I'll just give another +1 point for being awesome.
Final Score - 5 out of 5
AUSTRALIA'S FINEST BURGERS - APPROVED
I recommend this place!
Ambiance - Inside is nice and clean looking. Not quite "posh", but definitely nice. I've always sat outside over the water. You can see boats and shit. It's pretty nice. +1 point.
Service - Pretty decent. Friendly, young, up-beat staff. Your food comes out after about 7 minutes. You can set your watch by it. +1 point.
Food & Drink - Pretty damn good. You can pay $6 for a limp, greasy "burger" at a fast food place. Or you can come here. Sure you pay a little more, but it's well worth it. Home made patties, home made tomato sauce stuff, home made salad. Brilliant. Taste is fantastic. +1 point.
Value - Only $13.95 for a cheeseburger, which has crisp, fresh lettuce and sharp, tangy red onion. Delicious!. It's pretty big, you don't need to order chips or anything with it. But if you do, they're only $5 for a large bowl, absolutely delicious and come with aioli or another dip of your choice. You really can't go wrong. Especially since you can drop $30 per head at some other restaurants, just for the main meal (Hog's Breath, anybody?). Beers are average at about $8 each. But no Emu Bitter here -- it's all Little Creatures and some other gourmet brands. Fantastic. +1 point.
I can't think of a 5th category, so I'll just give another +1 point for being awesome.
Final Score - 5 out of 5
AUSTRALIA'S FINEST BURGERS - APPROVED
I recommend this place!
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
30 second Cafe Review - San Churros, HIllarys Boat Harbour
I know this is a bit too long, but I'm livid. I have to vent my feelings before this insane 5-hour sugar rush wears off. Skip to the end if you just want the score ...
OK let me just say that this place is fairly popular. Plenty of people must like it. But since this blog belongs to me and not those other morons, let me be brutally honest. This place should be closed down by the government. I assume the government regulates how much caffeine Red Bull can put in their cans. So why doesn't Julia Gillard step in here, and control the amount of melted chocolate that these people are serving as "drinks"?
Remember in Rush Hour, when Chris Tucker buys a box of fried Eel from the noodle stand? (Or was it Camel's Hump? ...) He says to the guy, "Damn Chen! That's some greasy shit! ... How you gonna sell a big box of grease??!" Well, San Churro, I say to you - How you gonna sell a big cup of sugar?
I've been to San Churros once before, and I could barely finish it. I literally had hallucinations on the drive home (I'm not joking). But some people at work (including DJ Langy! *shakes fist in anger*) swore that I would love the "hot and cold"! I did ... Until I got about half way through. It's a hot chocolate with a scoop of vanilla ice cream. The first part is nice enough. Then you get near the bottom of the mug, and you discover about 2 inches of pure, undiluted, syrupy, melted chocolate. I tried to get through it all. I took small sips. I stopped to breathe heavily for a while. I took another sip. My right eyelid spasmed involuntarily. I knew this was doing some serious damage to my body.
Look, I'll smoke cigarettes, ride a motorcycle in the wet, and even use the Transperth Rail network if I have to. But this stuff is really dangerous.
Also I was told to try some "Churros" which is Spanish for "donut". I don't know why they don't just call it a "donut". We're not in Spain.
These things are long, thin donuts. It was so dense with sugar and fat, I nearly gagged. As Kraemer said once, "It's all surface area! There is nowhere for the taste to hide!" So that was another epic fail.
I rode through the pouring rain, to spend about $15 on this poisonous stuff that I couldn't even finish.
Ambiance - Lot's of wood. It's nice. But then, charging $6.50 for a cup of melted chocolate, of course they can afford to spruce the place up a little. +1 point.
Prices - Sweet Moses, people will pay anything. I believe they could charge $19 for a drink, and some people would pay it. A fool and his money are easily parted. -1 point.
Staff - Pretty cool. Cheerful and helpful. I like that. I especially liked the foreign-looking guy with the afro. He was really cool. I'm giving an extra point here, just for that afro (and the hottie I saw in the kitchen). +2 points.
Location - Lovely spot at Hillarys boat habour. +1 point.
Drinks - Awful. Simply terrible. I honestly don't know how people can drink melted chocolate. "MELTED CHOCOLATE IN A MUG" IS NOT A DRINK! A milkshake is a drink. A coke. A coffee or tea. Christ almighty. -2 points.
Final Score - 1 out of 5
SAN CHURRO AT HILLARYS - BOYCOTTED
OK let me just say that this place is fairly popular. Plenty of people must like it. But since this blog belongs to me and not those other morons, let me be brutally honest. This place should be closed down by the government. I assume the government regulates how much caffeine Red Bull can put in their cans. So why doesn't Julia Gillard step in here, and control the amount of melted chocolate that these people are serving as "drinks"?
Remember in Rush Hour, when Chris Tucker buys a box of fried Eel from the noodle stand? (Or was it Camel's Hump? ...) He says to the guy, "Damn Chen! That's some greasy shit! ... How you gonna sell a big box of grease??!" Well, San Churro, I say to you - How you gonna sell a big cup of sugar?
I've been to San Churros once before, and I could barely finish it. I literally had hallucinations on the drive home (I'm not joking). But some people at work (including DJ Langy! *shakes fist in anger*) swore that I would love the "hot and cold"! I did ... Until I got about half way through. It's a hot chocolate with a scoop of vanilla ice cream. The first part is nice enough. Then you get near the bottom of the mug, and you discover about 2 inches of pure, undiluted, syrupy, melted chocolate. I tried to get through it all. I took small sips. I stopped to breathe heavily for a while. I took another sip. My right eyelid spasmed involuntarily. I knew this was doing some serious damage to my body.
Look, I'll smoke cigarettes, ride a motorcycle in the wet, and even use the Transperth Rail network if I have to. But this stuff is really dangerous.
Also I was told to try some "Churros" which is Spanish for "donut". I don't know why they don't just call it a "donut". We're not in Spain.
These things are long, thin donuts. It was so dense with sugar and fat, I nearly gagged. As Kraemer said once, "It's all surface area! There is nowhere for the taste to hide!" So that was another epic fail.
I rode through the pouring rain, to spend about $15 on this poisonous stuff that I couldn't even finish.
Ambiance - Lot's of wood. It's nice. But then, charging $6.50 for a cup of melted chocolate, of course they can afford to spruce the place up a little. +1 point.
Prices - Sweet Moses, people will pay anything. I believe they could charge $19 for a drink, and some people would pay it. A fool and his money are easily parted. -1 point.
Staff - Pretty cool. Cheerful and helpful. I like that. I especially liked the foreign-looking guy with the afro. He was really cool. I'm giving an extra point here, just for that afro (and the hottie I saw in the kitchen). +2 points.
Location - Lovely spot at Hillarys boat habour. +1 point.
Drinks - Awful. Simply terrible. I honestly don't know how people can drink melted chocolate. "MELTED CHOCOLATE IN A MUG" IS NOT A DRINK! A milkshake is a drink. A coke. A coffee or tea. Christ almighty. -2 points.
Final Score - 1 out of 5
SAN CHURRO AT HILLARYS - BOYCOTTED
Saturday, May 7, 2011
30 second Bar Review - The Boat, Mindarie
Quite a popular little spot. Not with me.
Ambiance - nice lighting and furnishings. Fairly clean throughout. Attractive bar staff is a bonus. +1 point.
Pricing - Hmmm, over $9 for a pint of Heineken? Very suspect. I don't appreciate being ripped off. -1 point.
Patronage - Usual mix of 19-year olds trying to look cool, 50-year olds trying to look cool, and 30-year olds getting aboslutely smashed, jumping up and down screaming, and vomiting in the toilets (all witnessed in my 45 mins there). Can't complain. Not as rough as many places. Attractive bar staff is a bonus. +1 point.
Location - On the water, boats floating around, all that good stuff. Good amount of parking. +1 point.
Music - Hmm. It was live, and it was loud. I guess I'll award 1 point just for having live music. But it wasn't my cup of tea. How about some jazz, or light piano music? +1 point.
Aquariums - Too small for the fish contained. It's simply animal cruelty. And the live music? The fish must go insane having those vibrations pushed through their water. I'm in half a mind to ring the RSPCA about this. -2 points!
Final score - 1 out of 5
If they just got rid of the aquariums, and dropped their huge markup on the beer, they would score much better!
THE BOAT IN MINDARIE - BOYCOTTED
Ambiance - nice lighting and furnishings. Fairly clean throughout. Attractive bar staff is a bonus. +1 point.
Pricing - Hmmm, over $9 for a pint of Heineken? Very suspect. I don't appreciate being ripped off. -1 point.
Patronage - Usual mix of 19-year olds trying to look cool, 50-year olds trying to look cool, and 30-year olds getting aboslutely smashed, jumping up and down screaming, and vomiting in the toilets (all witnessed in my 45 mins there). Can't complain. Not as rough as many places. Attractive bar staff is a bonus. +1 point.
Location - On the water, boats floating around, all that good stuff. Good amount of parking. +1 point.
Music - Hmm. It was live, and it was loud. I guess I'll award 1 point just for having live music. But it wasn't my cup of tea. How about some jazz, or light piano music? +1 point.
Aquariums - Too small for the fish contained. It's simply animal cruelty. And the live music? The fish must go insane having those vibrations pushed through their water. I'm in half a mind to ring the RSPCA about this. -2 points!
Final score - 1 out of 5
If they just got rid of the aquariums, and dropped their huge markup on the beer, they would score much better!
THE BOAT IN MINDARIE - BOYCOTTED
Saturday, April 9, 2011
30 second Bar Review - Ocean One, Scarborough
Brilliant, absolutely brilliant. I ventured here last Sunday for what the locals call a "Sunday session". The first shock came when I passed the bouncer at the front -- and he smiled at me. I felt like I was stepping into a crazy, backwards dimension where up is down, day is night, bouncers are friendly, and girls actually want to talk to me.
This place is clean and classy, and the walls feature surfing motifs, surfboards, photos of people surfing, surfing equipment, photos of girls in bikinis, and other wholesome goodness. It immediately conjurers to mind Jack Johnson music. Unfortunately, this music is completely drowned out by the live band playing covers of nothing but Bob Marley. Fortunately, they're very good!
ATMOSPHERE: Superb - not a single guy with a tight t-shirt, tattoo sleeves or a rat's-tail haircut. Pure friendliness throughout. +1 point.
MUSIC: Brilliant - relaxing and enjoyable. You can have a little dance to it too! +1 point.
DRINKS AND SERVICE: Wow! You can actually get served within 2 minutes of reaching the bar! Drinks weren't any more expensive than your common suburban pub, really. Also they serve cocktails I think. +1 point.
PATRONAGE: Amazing - hot, sexy women (who actually smile!), and friendly dread locked surfer-types. Couldn't ask for a better mix. +1 point.
To think of the hours I've wasted in noisy, stinky pubs in Joondalup, sitting outside at dirty, sticky tables, surrounded by 20 year old males with bad tattoos and artificial muscles, and 20 year old females with too-short dresses, singlets, hairy necks, B/O, over-priced beer, bad music played too loud, filthy toilets, and aggressive bouncers ... Ocean One is the complete opposite. +1 point again! BAM!
FINAL SCORE: 5 out of 5. BOOM! Hashtag "WINNING"!
This place is clean and classy, and the walls feature surfing motifs, surfboards, photos of people surfing, surfing equipment, photos of girls in bikinis, and other wholesome goodness. It immediately conjurers to mind Jack Johnson music. Unfortunately, this music is completely drowned out by the live band playing covers of nothing but Bob Marley. Fortunately, they're very good!
ATMOSPHERE: Superb - not a single guy with a tight t-shirt, tattoo sleeves or a rat's-tail haircut. Pure friendliness throughout. +1 point.
MUSIC: Brilliant - relaxing and enjoyable. You can have a little dance to it too! +1 point.
DRINKS AND SERVICE: Wow! You can actually get served within 2 minutes of reaching the bar! Drinks weren't any more expensive than your common suburban pub, really. Also they serve cocktails I think. +1 point.
PATRONAGE: Amazing - hot, sexy women (who actually smile!), and friendly dread locked surfer-types. Couldn't ask for a better mix. +1 point.
To think of the hours I've wasted in noisy, stinky pubs in Joondalup, sitting outside at dirty, sticky tables, surrounded by 20 year old males with bad tattoos and artificial muscles, and 20 year old females with too-short dresses, singlets, hairy necks, B/O, over-priced beer, bad music played too loud, filthy toilets, and aggressive bouncers ... Ocean One is the complete opposite. +1 point again! BAM!
FINAL SCORE: 5 out of 5. BOOM! Hashtag "WINNING"!
Monday, April 4, 2011
30 second Restaurant Review - Jimmy Deans, Scarborough
AMBIANCE: Not bad. American theme with music and shit all over the walls, etc. +1 point
SERVICE: You have to order your food at the counter. What is this, McDonalds? -1 point.
Food took about 20 minutes to come out. -1 point.
FOOD: I paid $28.50 for a "Sirloin Steak"; they should call it the "Coles $6 steak". I've cooked steaks at home that tasted better than this. I've eaten stale bread rolls that were easier to chew than this lump of gristly meat. I've had burgers from Hungry Jacks that had better quality beef than this 2nd-rate slab of cow. -1 point.
I'm not a Chef, but I've had Pepper Sauce with every steak I've eaten in the last 20 years. I've found that a key ingredient is the pepper. This watery, white liquid tipped all over the steak had absolutely no taste whatsoever. -1 point
Total Score: -3 out of 5
JIMMY DEANS IN SCARBOROUGH -- BOYCOTTED
SERVICE: You have to order your food at the counter. What is this, McDonalds? -1 point.
Food took about 20 minutes to come out. -1 point.
FOOD: I paid $28.50 for a "Sirloin Steak"; they should call it the "Coles $6 steak". I've cooked steaks at home that tasted better than this. I've eaten stale bread rolls that were easier to chew than this lump of gristly meat. I've had burgers from Hungry Jacks that had better quality beef than this 2nd-rate slab of cow. -1 point.
I'm not a Chef, but I've had Pepper Sauce with every steak I've eaten in the last 20 years. I've found that a key ingredient is the pepper. This watery, white liquid tipped all over the steak had absolutely no taste whatsoever. -1 point
Total Score: -3 out of 5
JIMMY DEANS IN SCARBOROUGH -- BOYCOTTED
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